Waiting

If we are being honest right now, at this current moment, I cannot wait to graduate. I cannot wait to finally know what I am doing with my life, even if it is just the immediate future. My life seems to be in a waiting game.

Waiting on Teach for America.
Waiting on decisions with downtown ministries.
Waiting on finances
Waiting on friends.
Waiting on dating.

Waiting on God.

And, if we are being more honest, I hate waiting. It's not fun. Why can't I know what my future holds or why I'm not getting certain things that I want or even "deserve?" I am trying to seek after God and yet He seems to be holding out on me (more on that later).

If we are being the most honest, the last line (Waiting on God) is a lie. Okay, maybe not. I can wait on God for like minutes ... like a child. Then, I start getting impatient and want to take matters into my own hands. Not only want to but then do and it leaves me feeling only a little bit better. I feel, if only for a brief amount of time, that I have control. After a little while - or not so little - I finally break and realize that I cannot do this life on my own.

Surrender.




And not picking it back up in five minutes.




Complete and utter surrender.